Full of uncertainty, this time, for real, that there is nothing of it for me only to doubt, and wonder. How long will they take to prove the fact? How much time is still left before things get worse? Lack of proofs only add up pain and much longer time. More people are put into depression.

 

In the compartment, there were enough about time, about something that's rather more than just responsibility, about sufering, about one's attitude that's being adjusted into docile, brave. They sufer together. Different pains, but i hope the same gains.

 

Guess i'm on my way learning to face.

It still hurts when i got the answer just now from the lady's mouth, that she, my mom's acquaintance, gave my dog away to somebody else. Vaguely. But it was enough. I asked no more, and no longer want to talk to any of them.

I don't know how my mom managed to give my dog to her, what she said to the lady. Maybe she never wanted to tell me the truth that, when we decided to leave for USA, she made the decision to simply get rid of the dog -by sending it to the lady, let her help us get rid of it. Full of lies all those years!

 

Though i didn't expect to see my dog again, and deep underneath my heart i knew it might be already gone from my world, it still hurts to know.

没想到回国后迎接我的竟然是儿童节这一现在看来雪上加霜的节日，又好比炎热的夏日再吹来一阵热不透气的闷风。

起先我是觉得没什么。只是心里还鲜明地记得小学时候庆祝儿童节的情景。

回到成都，见到了婆婆，也是记忆中去美国后这些许年来第一次有人给我了儿童节礼物，并且是不在乎儿童节的实质。

可恨的是，我就像外人一样，先忧郁了一下，再接过。也许我本应该很惊喜很高兴的接过这意外的儿童节礼物。

也许有更意外的事情我已经潜意识认识到，花已经开始凋谢~

 

婆婆见到我，没有我想象中的惊讶，她耳朵不好了，只是笑着看着我。倒是让我惊讶的是，婆婆说她快认不出我了。

我感到惭愧。因为我不认为自己有多大变化，也看不出婆婆的变化。妈妈说婆婆变了，具体怎么说的我忘了，但意思大概是更苍老了。自己居然不能够察觉。

待了些时间后，她突然提起我小时候的事。说着说着还很高兴，说着很回味，就好象是不久前才发生的事情。我也觉得好似就是这样。也觉得时间过的飞快，怎么身边各各都快是要20多岁的人，并且像结婚这种话题由最初的第三人称，也许现在发自内心的变为以第一人称去思考。

 

这是回到成都的第二天。时差调节得差不多，只是对些过于刺激的食物有一点反应。

这才发现，原来成都的空气不差。一下飞机就闻到竹子的味道，那时候是晚上12点。。机场哪有什么竹子，可能只是雨的味道。

清新的味道，很熟悉的味道。

 

很期待见到一些个老朋友。

呵呵，如果提前没有通知要回来，就当作这是个惊喜吧~