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    November 24

    November

    So i'm waiting for this test to end
    So these lighter days can soon begin
    I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
    Like a kite that floats so effortlessly
    I was afraid to be alone
    Now im scared thats how id like to be
    All the faces none the same
    How can there be so many personalities
    So many lifeless empty hands
    So many hearts in great demand
    And now my sorrow seems to far away
    Until i'm taken by these bolts of pain
    But i turn them off and tuck them away  
    Till these rainy days that make them stay
    And then i'll cry so hard to these sad songs
    And the words still ring, once here now gone
    And they echo through my head everyday
    And i dont think they'll ever go away
    Just like tihnking of your childhood home
    But we cant go back were on our own
    Oh,
    But i'm about to give this one more shot
    And find it in myself
    Ill find it in myself
    So were speeding towards that time of year
    To the day that marks your not here 
    And i think i'll want to be alone
    So please understand that i dont answer the phone
    I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
    Untill i can see nothing at all
    Only particles some fast some slow
    All i can see is all i know
    Ohh..
    But i'm about to give this one more shot
    And find it in myself
    I'll find it in myself

     

     

    both, neither

    not interested, not pleased, things not as expected, almost as always.
     
    seen a lot of role-play games.
    life is a game, with rules in it, rules made by us, and roles played by us.
    put my foot in different kind of shoes. understood, hated, knew the reason why to this person things could be so horrible; when put foot in another shoe, understood, hated, knew the reason for the other person, under seemingly different circumstances but related issues. tired, annoyed!
    there is very little i could do about it. good or bad, it goes on, life goes on, until it no longer is able to, until the day things roll up and destroy themselves.
    not about taking sides. tired.
     
    another interesting role-play game yesterday.
    3 girls talking about guys.
    2 complained the lack of excitement in the life. one due to repeated boring life with her bf, though things are perfect as everybody ELSE wanted, she wanted to have some change, some more excitement; one due to the non-never existed love one, the loneliness, the boringness, the heart with humongous space to be filled with love and things called "experience" and "life". the last one sits there almost quietly, heard the problems, complains, thought about something different.
     
    sarcasm.
    November 09

    永恒的瞬间

    晚上去了一个学校的20years Premieres -celebrating the creation and performance of contemporary music. 又一次地大开眼界.
    同时也遇到一个朋友. 最近总是在不同的地方遇到, 也产生出很多黑色幽默.
    演奏厅里, 大家都是对音乐极感兴趣的人. 到现场的还有现代乐作曲家, 今天演奏的也就是他们的作品, 看着观众们欣赏自己的作品感觉应该很不错吧.
     
    感觉, 现代乐很不简单. 唯一的是还无法将它弄懂.
    很多时候脑中浮现的是人类的世界, 忙碌的人们, 忘了时间的钟, 工业工厂, 生态, 污染, 竞争, 很多强烈的对比, 黑暗, 让人有时喘不过气, 却很多时候同时让人感觉紧绷, 激动; 同时可以看到一些新奇的东西, 像很多不同方式来演奏同一种乐器, 及不同的入场方式, 连指挥也有很新意的改进.. 有时候更感觉是out of control, all over the places.
     
    去年的现代乐给我的惊讶是有那么多种不同的方式弹奏一个乐器. 而这一次, 除了上面提到的, 意外地, 演奏也让我想到devotion, dedication, 人类的路途.
    总之是在学校里听到的现代乐不能让我看到阳关乐观的一面.
     
    我朋友是弹jazz的, 也作曲. 闲聊的时候可以感觉到难得的单纯, 简单.
    他说昨天是很坏的一天, 连续上的guitar和piano课都不是很好. 所以今天晚上音乐会结束后已经11点他还想再练习钢琴, 来确定他还能继续把乐器弹下去.
    就像现场的作曲家一样, 也许在他们的生活被人羡慕的同时, 也被人们不了解.
     
    如果不能永恒, 直着可以被理解.
     
    生活中还有很多事情没有得到答案.
    只希望在忙碌的时候不要忽略一些同样重要的东西.
     
    突然想到偶然看到的一句爱因思坦的话
    "Only a life lived for others is worth living."